22.01.2014

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Hi blog!

How are you today?

I am fine. Thank you! Took an off from office yesterday. So a bit relaxed now. the feeling is finally sinking in. Partially though. I am slowly accepting the fact that i would be moving away from my family soon. But the excitement of finding an all new family is also there. I really like my in-laws family. Very sweet and small. Though they have a huge extended family and i am very happy about it. I had never been in a big family with uncles and aunts so happy I will finally have a big family to talk to and share happiness. And my father in law is very sweet too. He keeps smiling all the time. and of the very few people who have a contagious smile, my father in law sure is one. I hope he is like my father. Sweet and caring. And my mom in law! She is a star at her age. What choice of clothes she has. totally flattered. I think she has a better taste than mine :p. Though, I feel nervous while talking to her many times. Afraid of saying something childish or foolish to her. She is marrying her eldest son to me. So i think she must be expecting some level of responsibility in me. And being the youngest at my home, i think i have been very very irresponsible. Never really bothered about what is going on in the house! Mom used to take care of everything from scratch to just everything. So! yes, nervous about that. And my brother in law! He is a charmer. He reminds me of the innocence of a child. Very cute indeed.

And, my fiance! What to say about him. I keep on writing about him in almost all posts I have been writing of late. He deserves a whole individual post all for himself :) He is just adorable.

So, hoping this fact of moving away from home would sink in soon and I would be able to concentrate on other things as well. esp my office. I have been so ignorant about it since last one week. Pushing all the work at hand and now the deadlines are almost around the corner. So need to wrap up things soon. And strangely nothing helps these days. Even talking to Mr. fiance doesnot help. Well, lets see. hope i would behave normal from now on. Its important. i just cant waste my next 30 days of being with mom dad in the stupidity of being upset or sad about moving away. But its just on the top of my head & i am so unable to forget about it. i might have forgotten about it if Mr. fiance had been around. But even he is so far. & on top of that I dont feel like discussing sad things with him when we talk, which happens for a short time as both of us are busy at our ends.

Ok. Will sign off now. Would work now.

See ya blog! Bye. tc

I am Engaged!!!

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Har mulaqaat ka anjaam judaai kyu hai…….

Hi blog,

how are you? Missed me? I know you didnt :) Mean blog.

Here I am again, writing to you. With a heap of mixed emotions, Which I am completely unable to sort.

Had so much happening in the last two days. I am engaged to marry my Mr. Fiance now! Happened this saturday. And you know, I met him after so long! Last was on November 8, 2013 and then day before yesterday, January 18, 2014; it had been 70 days! & i didnt even realize it had been these many days until i really counted. I was just so happy knowing he is around. Somewhere, even if far.

And I got a beautiful ring from him. The fact that he made me wear it makes it the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. Life is just being so beautiful in his presence. He would not even know. He would not know how happy I am with him. He would not know it. I cant tell it. I cant put it in words. I am so looking forward to my life with him.

Yesterday, I met him again. a few hours before his flight was scheduled to his city. Such beautiful four hours I had with him. Special. Everything was special. Walking with him, talking to him, watching him smile, looking at his eyes, watching him eat, holding his hand, clutching his arm. I wonder how to tell him all that. That I love him. I don’t know if he knows it. I don’t know how to put it into words. To tell him all that, that I don’t even want you to know. Its only meant for him to know & no one else. 70 days & i don’t know if my world has expanded with his inclusion or shrunk to just him. But I know this, that he has become the most important person in my life. Whom I want to be with. From now on, till I live. Not a moment without him.

There is so much of warmth on his face. calmness. composure. love in his eyes. love in his smile. love in his quietness. I hated to let him go. To say bye to him. to not be able to hear his voice for that long. I am not sure what it is called. But I am assuming its love. I hope its not becoming my weakneass or addiction or obsession. I hope so. I really hope so. It’s just love.

& I thought I was sad as my sister and her kids left after the function was over!! Silly me.

17.01.2014

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Hey blog!

how are you doing? I am good, thank you! Great infact.

Lot of excitement at work place and otherwise too. Have been allocated a new project at work. Just before i would be leaving! Good for me. Would be learning about a new therapy area. Oncology, this time. Good good. it has been almost been one and a half years since i worked on oncology. Testing time! Well, its friday today and its saturday tomorrow. My special day. I am getting engaged tomorrow to Mr. fiance. Oxymoron! Well, he is done with shopping it seems. Excited to meet him and his family tomorrow. They would be leaving tonight from their place and reach delhi tomorrow morning. Dad would be going to receive them with jijaji. Didi and jijaji are also on their way. Their tickets did not get confirmed. so they are driving their way from Rajasthan to Delhi! Their kids are pretty excited about the long drive. Though didi seemed to be worried as her son, the younger kid is not keeping well and its winters already. Hope they reach on time. Bhabhi is reaching tomorrow morning with her brother. I would miss bhaiya. He is not here and wont either be able to join us all in the ceremony.  He would come directly for the wedding scheduled end of next month. All set it looks like!

Had taken an off from work yesterday and spent all day doing something or the other at home. Well, it was a much needed break. I went to the parlour in the morning. Dear Dad told me to just do whatever i liked. So i almost splurged on everything i could think of. I was pampered like anything. What an experience. Everything was so royal! From the hair spa till the pedicure. :D I was the centre of attraction to everyone!! Everyone at the parlour was like “its your engagement, just relax. do nothing.” I almost dosed off during the spa!! and then dad came to pick me up later, with mom. Went to the boutique finally and tried all my stuff. She stitched everything to my likes, so was pretty happy. & then, went for mehndi. It was so much fun. mom also got mehndi done on her hands. I will upload the pics soon. Dad and mom have been pampering me so much. I feel elated. Its like the bestest time of my life which I would remember. They treat me like a kid. morning to evening, it is like I am doing nothing at all. They just dont let me do anything at all. Yesterday dad made me eat dinner with his hands. Obviously as I could not eat on my own with my mehndi on my hands. It was so sweet of him to wait for me to finish each morsel. And then mom brought a glass of hot chocolate milk and held the glass for me to drink it up :) It reminded me of my childhood. When i would still be in bed and she would get the glass of milk in bed for me and I would drink it with my eyes closed and mom would hold the glass for me so that i don’t leave the glass and spill the milk on the bed.

Life is just so beautiful. How everything changes so soon. Without even realizing when it does. And now, its just another month left for me to stay at home with mom and dad. And then go. It is so difficult to even imagine how would I manage. but everyone does it. So, hopefully, i would be able to do it too. And then Mr. fiance would turn to Mr. husband. And Mr. husband would be good i feel :)

See ya blog. Would be busy for the next few days. Hope to see you soon! Tc until then.

Bye. 

4 days to go. Being a Nervous Wreck!

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Okkay! Second post for the day. Well, you would already have guessed. there is too much going on in my head and there is no one i can talk to about all the crap! Mr. Fiance is busy in his shopping. well he has a deadline to do all his stuff in next five days so i can imagine him being busy. But this busy that he has forgotten me :O Mean! Revenge would be taken :D

And about what is going on in my mind. Well can someone go and collect my clothes from the boutique please?! I am too stacked with work to do so. & silly boutique owner keeps calling me for trial. I feel like screaming at her & telling her I am busy!! Preparing for my wedding. So much stuff to do in such little time. Aargh! my lehenga is still not ready, the kaarigar is doing some never ending embroidery on it, it seems. It was supposed to get delivered for trial last saturday and then last monday and then yesterday and now god knows when! & then Mr. Fiance is not available to talk. Can you believe I have not heard his voice in the last 56 hours! That is so mean. Guys! I tell you, unpredictable always. & what else. well, I am still to invite my friends to the engagement. I dont know when will i get some time to do that. It is on my mind & I think I must do it asap.

& another mean thing to happen is that my workstation got changed. I was so comfortable at the old place with my buddies & now it is like being punished for having resigned :( I hate my boss for this while for having done so. (& I hope you are not reading this my dear boss :D)

& guess what! I am short on holidays as well. I can not take leaves after having being resigned & i am totally banking upon my weekends for all the pending work that has to be wrapped up! after all i am shifting base from Delhi completely & Looks like a tedious task. Who would pack for me?? & what to opack for me! I want to carry everything that is in my room as of now! & mom has already warned me to not thinking of carrying the 100+ novels that are stacked on my shelf  in the room. No airlines would allow that luggage :( But I want them all infront of my eyes when i reach my Fiance’s place! So sad. Oh god! am I behaving anxious?? Well looks like i am being a wreck. So much on my mind & unable to do a thing. I really need a break from work. A week! yes, just 5 days would do. I would wrap up my work & relax. But no. lot of work at office too to finish before i leave. huhh. so very mean.

& while I am writing this non sense, I am delaying all the work that was supposed to be done in the last 30 minutes of writing this crap. & i would be making up for it too by staying late :O Just not organised at all. Being a mess. can someone finish my work for me?? Puhleez. Just a bit of work on multiple myeloma. A few pipeline molecules. thats all. someone??? :X I am cross. No help. Silly blog. Why aren’t you helping me? You always do. Why not now? Ishhh… God bless me with some peace.

Stupid work I am wasting time on. FIlling a stupid goal sheet for the next appraisal cycle for which i am not even staying here. God!

What anxiety is doing to me. I dont know what I want to do right now. I dont want to read (I just cant focus!), i can’t write in an organised manner, I can’t talk, I cant work, I can’t sleep, I can’t stay awake :X Is there anything I can do well right now?? Aargh!

Plan to go back home & watch some TV. may be that would help me forget the chaos. Hope to be better by tomorrow.  See ya blog!

Buhbye. Thanks for listening :)

13.01.2013

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Over the phase of having my new found love around me! So soon?! Why oh! god why!? The happiness is turning into something else. Which i am unable to identify. Anxiety perhaps. But why anxious?! I have just met him once and yet it feels like I have known him from ages. or perhaps i want to be with him from right now that I cant wait for four more days to pass by to be able to meet him again. Grrrr. Intermingled feelings. Soooh difficult to seggregate. But life is just being so beautiful. Worth living each moment. I am spending all my time day dreaming. Don’t even know if its natural to feel so or that I am being over excited.

Everything is so beautiful around me as of now. Happiness everywhere. Mom happy dad happy me happy ! Being pampered so much at home. Lol! I feel like this phase should not ever end. Being treated like a princess in everything. All i am doing these days is sleeping, waking up to get ready for office, coming to work ( & not working!), eating lunch, going back home, gossiping with mom dad!! What happy life :) All i am missing  is being with my fiance. Miss him loads & loads. feel like just sitting with him and talking to him non stop for as long as I can. & even if I have nothing to do, I just want to keep looking at him. forever !

& what else is going on in my head.. umm.. yes yes much. & less both. Much in the sense that i feel like so much is left to be done for the coming saturday, my engagement day! & less as in its just a day, just one day! I just want to be home all this while. Help mom dad or just be there even if i am doing nothing. Nothing at all. Just laze around at home. Just be happy doing nothing. I have never earlier experienced this feeling & it is far too exciting.

Well well.. i think its enough for today :) I have so much work to do.. office work and personal work both! so i would do something for sometime before i come back to you writing something insane!

 

Mwaaah Blog. I love you!

 

 

You!

a broken leaf, merged with soil
nothing to loose, nothing left to toil
a fallen drop of dew, lost in the air
unknown to all, yet being there
alike, is she now drenched in love
draped red, flying free like a dove
not breathing air, not soaking sun
just living life, with regrets none.

Kajal & Dev (Part II)

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It was a beautiful winter morning. The sun shining amongs the midst of clouds. Warm jackets and a mug of coffee somehow completed the package.

Dev was still asleep when Kajal woke up. It was a sunday and neither Dev nor Kajal were in a hurry. The morning started late already and there was no noice around in the house except for the intermittent chirping of the birds. Echo. The twinkling sound of the wind chyme woke up Dev from his sleep. He rubbed his eyes and saw Kajal Lazying around in the house. Dev looked adorable when he used to wake up. His messed up hairs gave him the innocence of a child which radiated on his face. There was something mischievous going on in his head. His eyes gave that away when kajal came near to him. She was still standing near the bed when Dev jumped out of the bed suddenly to hug her and planted a kiss on her cheeks. She blushed. Infact, that was all she always wanted. To be in his arms all day long and just keep looking into his eyes. She had at times wondered if Dev came to know of her thoughts, he would be annoyed to think that his wife is so impractical. Yet, it remained a secret with her ownself. Only she was aware how deeply she had fallen in love with Dev. How she liked everything he did.

Dev was unpredictable. Sometimes he would look serious even when he would be thinking of mischief. and sometimes he would look mischoevous even if he was serious. Kjal thought she would begin to understand him in sometime. A few more days, months or years and she would know when he thinks what. And she was eager to wait each day exploring more about him. That was the beauty of their relation. The beauty of not having known each other. The beauty of realizing the good and the bad in themselves and making the other person better.

Dev & Kajal were not just beginning their life together, they were beginning a journey of a lifetime together. The most beautiful one that one will ever come across.

Kajal & Dev (Part I)

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Kajal was happy today. Somehow, everything had fallen into place for her. She had found her prince charming and was way too excited to start her life with him. He was a breath of fresh air. A well read, soft spoken gentleman he was.

Kajal was awestruck by Dev. Everything about him was so pleasant. He radiated positive energy wherever he went. Dev’s voice had a soothing effect on Kajal and she prayed she could hear him all day long somehow. He was a charmer. The way he would talk, addressing “main” as “hum” would end up making Kajal so flattered by his innocence that she had started picking it up herself too.

Dev had last night, without a complaint stayed awake till so late talking to her, and she was just happy in knowing he was around even if they had exhausted all the topics they could have talked about. Dev was that. Her dream she felt. It had just been a few days she had started talking to him and to feel so inclined towards anyone so quickly was not herself. But, this time, she could not keep a tab on her feelings.

Everything that Dev said, sounded so right to her that she never questioned it, that apart that he actually used to be right in what he was saying! Kajal had fallen in love this time, and that without conditions. She wanted to share all her love with Dev without asking him for anything. She wanted to tell him everyday that she loved him. Tell him ten times in day that he meant to her now what no other did. He was just not special, he had become a part of her..

Sara & Rehan (Part III)

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Sara had spent the initial nights of her discovering her husbands infidelity crying inconsolably. The pain had then converted into a relief. The fact that she at least knew the truth was elixir to her soul. She had finally let the curtains open. The sun shone just as bright as she had last seen it. She had left her apartment only twice to go for a walk late at night in the city when the house had started to haunt her. And once more four days back in the afternoon sun. She in these days refrained herself from getting into the room which she and Rehan used to occupy. Her drawing room was her bed-room mostly.

Sara pulled herself out from the bed. Lazily, though the blood in her veins was rushing fast, she knew everything was fine. She had in the past few days gotten used to sleeping alone and waking up alone. She was not expecting sounds. She was just calm. Rehan had called her up consistently trying to talk to her. He had visited her apartment almost as a daily ritual. She, however, had opened the door only twice or thrice to let him in and speak his heart out. He had cried on all instances. Sobbed, knelt on the floor, begged for forgiveness, She had cried too, with him. Holding his hand. yesterday was a night she had planned for herself. She had called up Rehan and spoken with him. There conversation was not long. Sara had the questions by heart. She was marking a check somewhere in her mind everytime the list got shorter, like a flow chart, where an answer was disappointing she will move over to the next one skipping a few questions in between that could have been asked had the answers been satisfying. She was marking, evaluating, checking, and what so not. Rehan had satisfied her with the answers.

She precisely had asked everything that happened in the past. What Rehan did?, Why he did so?, Is he guilty now?, Will he do it again?, Will he try to not do it again?, wil he be honest to her?, will he love her back? will he treat her like a princess? and what not.

Rehan, had realized early enough of his mistake, he was guilty, very. the past one month had been a flashback of what he had done to Sara for so long. For her selfless love. Which he did not return. He had decided to do everything the way Sara would want now. He had tried everything to seek forgiveness. And the conversation last night only made him happier now. He was happy, hopefull. He had started planning a trip away with sara already. To Venice perhaps. He had decided to let her join her work back when she wanted and be at her leisure. He had decided join for himself a better stable job and work on normal hours. He had infact, started planning for a baby too.

Rehan had cursed himself enough for the weakness that crept inside him and going over to another female to satisfy his insecure emotions. He had however not given much thought on what will the other female go through, He almost blamed her for getting into this on her own knowing he was married. Perhaps. May be.

Sara was done with the shower, She shimmered in her white flowing dress. and beige coloured heals. She had tied her hairs in a beautiful bun and put up a pink butterfly clip on it. She could have been a beautiful bridesmaid at the hour if anyone demanded for! Simple yet striking. She cooked breakfast for herself today, long time. a month. Not a lengthy meal but yes, food. She ate happily. She was planning a future too now. She was thinking of what will she do next. Work, sleep, eat, roam around, buy a camera and click pictures! yes, may be. perhaps. The house looked happy to her, talking to her again. She felt alive. her life did have a purpose she thought she had lost. Rehan. He was guilty. He sought forgiveness. He promised her he would not repeat it. He will be with her. He knew his mistake. He knew he was mistaken. He had ditched her. She did not. It was his fault. Not hers. He should have lost the purpose when she left him last. Not she.

She was smiling. She looked beautiful. Her sould was clear. Conscience pure. she wanted to fly at the moment. She felt so relaxed and free. She got up from the dining table. Salsa-ed herself alone to the bedroom. Picked up her jacket, her hat and her clutch. Levaing the house, she closed the door almost carelessly. Whistling for a Taxi. She was in a hurry. She had to go meet Rehan again today. He had left her a voicemail that he had reached and was waiting for her to come.

Rehan, stood there outside the coffee shop with a bunch of her favourite flowers hidden behind his back. Orchids. Purple Orchids. they were wrapped ina  bright pink huge ribbon the tail of which flowed long and far. He rushed himself as soon as he saw Sara getting down from the taxi. Opening the door for her. He felt it like his first date. Starting fresh. Sara smiled at him. He kept his hand on her waist and kissed her gently on the forehead. Sara drew herself back instantly, still smiling, looking down. She whispered a sorry in the air. Rehan ignored it. He was still so happy.

As they settled theselves into the table that rehan had already booked for them. Sara without wasting any time, took a little envelope out from her clutch. Rehan, smiled. He knew she loved writing things on paper for him to read, while she observes his expressions. He started guessing what it was. A poem, a love letter, a sorry for not speaking to him for so long, or how has she gotten over the trauma of his aduletry, etc. etc. Sara still had the same intesity of smile she had on her face when she got down from the taxi. She was so happy. There gazing into each others eyes was disrupted for a moment when the waiter came to there table to take the order. Sara gently asked him to come later. She was expecting they would not stay there too long. Anyway, Rehan had planned a day out for her, obviously a surprise unknown to her.

Rehan meticulously opened the envelope, not to tear the edges. Still looking deep into Sara’s eyes. Sara smiled. This time, though it was different. Rehan opened the paper that was folded into a half, his face now hiding behind the papers. He was excited to read the letter. He had decided to narrate it to her as well as he reads it, which had been a usual practice between the. He read in a cheerful pitch, Very loudly. “In the high court of justice, Priciple division of the family division.”

In a breathless mostion, he gasped her hands which were resting on the table. Sara smirked for the first time pulling her hands away, picking up her clutch and simultaneousy getting up from the chair. As she turned to go, She could hear Rehan’s puzzled voice. “Divorce……”

She danced in her mind. Free and happy. The day was very bright today.

Sara & Rehan (Part II)

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ImageSara quietly tip toed out of the room. As quietly as she had entered. The sight of her Rehan on the bed with another female was enough to make her fall weak in the knees. she closed the door behind her. It made a little sound, like a mirror breaks. quietly. She continued to walk a little, but gave it up as she touched the stairs. Until she bent her knees and touched the floor with her head, she had been numb. A sudden choke in the throat and she burst into tears. She had started sobbing. Her long black hairs had become a mess, her mascara flowed down on her cheeks in traces of black which lead aimlessly to the middle of her cheeks. She was screaming by now, as if someone has died, someone. she? She did not know. She was weeping when she felt a hand on her shoulders. She cleared her throat a little and moved her hairs behind her ears to see who it was, almost scared it would be the neighbours. She saw Rehan. Rehan was sitting. Right next to her on his knees. She could sense fear in his eyes. Fear of knowing he has lost her. Fear, that Sara would not return after this. He looked at her. fixed his eyes upon hers. Rubbing the tears away from her cheeks. Sara was still numb. Sara was still alone. Shattered. She Could not understand how to react. She cried. More, louder. Looking up at Rehan once in a while, holding his hands in hers. Like you do to a dead body. Hold it, hug it, cry resting on its chest, and bury it. Rehan was scared. He did not move. He was in his lowers and a black vest then. Looking just as messed up. With reasons otherwise. He was still. He continued to hold her hands. Tighter with every shudder she gave. Sara. Rehan. She kept her head on his shoulder and wept. Like she will never get a chance to cry again. How helpless was she. Crying to the only person she has have had, for having hurt her irreversibly now. Rehan by now, knew what will happen next. He had forever known Sara. He wanted her to stay there, even if that left her crying all her life. He knew if she got up now. She will get up to leave. Sara, will leave, She had decided by now and cried over her destiny already in the arms of the man she had loved. and ceased to love.

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